Captures
by celtic33
Summary: A series of short scene captures or ficlets as some call them.
1. skin a cat

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Why would anyone do that in the first place," she asked.

"Nobody really would," he said as he ran his hands through his hair. "It's just an expression, okay."

"Well it's a stupid expression that means nothing," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "There really is only one way to skin a cat. A subcutaneous incision to start and then the rest is just like peeling an orange."

He looked disgusted, "Thanks Bones. Now I can never eat an orange again without thinking of someone filleting a cat."

"Objectively speaking, I suppose the tools could vary but the principal would remain constant," she continued. "I don't see what purpose it could serve, though. Cats are generally small so using a hide for any practical purpose would prove difficult, unless you connected numerous hides together, of course."

"Of course," he said as he shook his head in disbelief. "You know what Bones? I've got to go. I'll catch up with you later." He turned and walked off the platform heading for the door.

"What got into him?" Hodgins asked.

"I'm not sure, I was just explaining how certain expressions have no real meaning and he just left."

"And he looked a little nauseous too," Hodgins said.


	2. rain

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Booth!" she yelled. "You're just being stubborn. Now come in out of the rain."

"Why Bones?" he asked as he picked up a trowel and kneeled down in the mud. "We have evidence to collect."

She rolls her eyes from the safety of the SUV when she hears him start singing.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain," he sang as he kept digging. "I've got the happiest feeling, I'm happy again."

"You have the lyrics wrong," she said. "And you're ruining your expensive suit."

"It's already ruined, just like our crime scene," he said while standing up and throwing the trowel back down.

"It's not completely ruined," she said as he climbed into the back of the SUV to get changed into dry clothes. "The evidence is still all there it's just messier now. And Dr. Hodgins can torture the new intern with sifting thought the muck."

"I know Bones but I want to catch this bastard before he kills another victim," he said. "I'm tired of telling parents that their kids have been butchered."

"We _will_ catch him Booth," she said. "We always do because we're smarter than them."

"And sexier too," he added while waggling his eyebrows. "Um can you turn around so I can finished getting dressed?"


	3. oreo

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Hey Hodgins," Booth said as he walked over to where the bug and slime guy was standing. "What's the new intern doing?"

"Let's find out" he said as they walked over to the intern who was hiding behind a partition.

"What are we looking at?" Booth asked.

The intern quickly hissed a shhh sound.

"Angela found out Dr. Brennan has never had an Oreo and she took it open herself to pop her cherry," he said with a smile before he quickly shied away as Booth looked at him menacingly. "Oh look they're going to do it again."

The men turned to watch the women as they each picked up another cookie. Their delicate fingers gripping onto the wafers to slowly pull them apart. The women then slowly licked the creamy frosting off of the wafer before returning to lick the wafer again ensuring every last drop of frosting was savored. The women then both placed the wafers together again and dipped them into a glass of milk before taking the entire cookie into their mouths and smiling with delight.

"That might have been the most erotic thing I've ever seen," the intern said.

"They were eating cookies," Booth scolded.

"And they were round little flat wafers and not even phalluses. What's wrong with you?" Hodgins added.

"Have you no imagination?" the intern asked.

"Clearly yours is in overdrive," Booth said as he pointed to his gun. "Can you imagine what I'm going to do with this if you don't go back to work?"

The intern quickly retreated to another area of the lab while Booth and Hodgins slowly turned back to the women eating cookies.

"That was pretty hot though," Hodgins said.

"No doubt," Booth added as they bumped fists and continued to watch in amazement.


	4. someone else

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"You really need to find an adequate outlet to release you anger, Agent Both," Sweets said. "This latest incident eerily parallels your ice cream truck debacle."

"I'm _not_ sorry for hitting that moron," Booth said defiantly. "If he hadn't disrespected Bones like that, I never would have been provoked into it."

"Sweets is right Booth," Brennan said. "As an armed Federal Agent, you can't afford to be provoked in such a manner."

"Bones," Booth said, "He called you a filthy whore. What was I supposed to do? Shrug it off?"

"Yes, Booth," Brennan said, "You said it yourself a minute ago, that man was a moron. He has no idea what he's talking about. I'm not a whore since I've never been paid for sex and I have an impeccable hygiene regimen so I'm clearly not filthy. Perhaps he just had me mistaken for someone else."

Booth smiled at her explanation and chuckled a little before to turning to Sweets. "You see what I have to deal with here? You should be proud of me that I only hit him and didn't shoot him instead."


	5. ruh roh raggy

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

_So I know Halloween isn't for another week but I'm ready for it._

"So you're saying these bones aren't real?" Booth asked as he looked around at the dilapidated carnival rides.

"No," Brennan replied. "They're real but the reason why they were comingling is staged."

"Staged? How so?"

"Well for starters, there are two partial sets of bones; a man about 6'1" and a larger breed of canine. Someone went to a lot of trouble to ensure that the bones mixed appropriately to form one skeleton."

"Why would anyone want to do that?" Booth asked.

"You tell me," she replied. "You're the one with the gut instincts."

"Ok, since there are two sets of partial bones the complete each other, it's clear that someone was trying to suggest that it was one complete skeleton," he said. "And since only a werewolf is half man half dog and we're in an abandoned amusement park, I'm thinking someone's been watching too much Scooby-Doo."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think we need to question the owner and find out who his enemies are and why someone might plant these bones here," he said.

"Jinkies," Brennan said as she looked down at the ground.

"What?"

"Gin keys," she said as she picked up the set of keys showing him the medallion hanging from the ring that read "Jim's Gin Joint."


	6. coffee

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Is it done yet?" Booth asks for the fifteenth time in the last half hour.

"No it's not," Brennan says. "It might be closer to another hour. You need to be more patient."

"AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!" he yells venting his frustration.

"Dude, how were you ever a sniper?" Hodgins asked.

"It was easy actually," Booth says. "I was doing my job and that required waiting for my target. Right now, though, I'm waiting to find out who my target even is."

"If you're wound up that tight," Angela said slyly while winking at Brennan, "perhaps you need to do some strenuous activity to burn off some excess energy."

"Yeah, maybe some exercise will help pass the time," Booth says as he remembers doing chin-ups during their Christmas under quarantine. "Bones can I use your office for a few minutes?"

"Sure," she said as she nodded. "Just try not to make a mess."

Angela sauntered over to Brennan with a devilish look in her eyes. "You know Sweetie, he might need a spotter."

Brennan threw eye daggers at her friend before glancing towards the grunting sounds coming from her office door.

"I might need to be a spotter for my office," she said as she ran to her office while she watched her partner attempt to swordfight her 2000 year old sarcophagus using her coat rack as a weapon. "Booth! How much coffee have you had today?"


	7. satin

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Do you have the results of the covered fabric Dr. Hodgins?" Brennan asked.

"Polyethylene terephthalate or more commonly known as polyester," Hodgins said. "There were also some stray polyamides indicating that the material was satin."

"So the victim was wearing satin underwear?" Booth asked. "Like panties? Wait, didn't you say the vic was a male? Was he a crossdesser?"

"Actually most silk undergarments are satin and not actually silk," Hodgins said. "Unless you get high end stuff, then you're sure to get silk but you're paying for it."

"Still, I was never sure that women would like their men wearing silk, umm satin, underwear," Booth said.

"If I was intimate with a man and he happened to be wearing silk like underwear I would probably find it highly erotic," Brennan said matter of factly.

Hodgins caught Booth's glare and walked off.

"Well I would find it highly erotic to receive silk like underwear as a gift from a special someone in my life," Booth said.

"Isn't it a little inappropriate to receive such gifts from your mom or Parker?" she asked.

"Ummm yeah it would be," he replied. "That's why I was thinking about someone else."

"Oh," she said. "I didn't realize you were dating anyone. That's good. I'm happy for you."


	8. Sincerity

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

A special Halloween episode :)

"The victim suffered numerous fractures across the torso," Cam said while leaning over the examination table.

"So the victim was crushed?" Booth asked.

"Only something large and heavy could've simultaneously done this much damage to so many bones," Brennan said.

"Well if he was crushed by something large and heavy, where is it?" Booth asked. "It didn't just vanish like a fart in the wind."

"I've isolated some of the particulates," Hodgins said. "Cucurbita Maxima, giant pumpkin. You know some of those can grow as large as 1000 pounds."

"So I should put out an APB for a giant pumpkin?" Booth asked sarcastically.

"Do you think it could be The Great Pumpkin?" Angela asked excitedly.

"I'm familiar with most of the religious myths around holidays but that one eludes me," Brennan said.

"I think we should check for tire tracks for a forklift because if this guy was squashed by a pumpkin somebody needed help lifting it," Cam said.

"Unfortunately, there were no tire tracks at the scene," Booth said.

"I've got a rock," Hodgins said while Angela laughed. "Silica Tetrahedra, quartz."

"This isn't funny," Booth said. "We've got a crime that we need to solve. We need to stay serious here."

"I sincerely apologize," Hogdins said while Angela laughed again. "No really, there's not a sign of hypocrisy anywhere. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see."

**A/N:** Beware the Great Pumpkin might be after me since I used a couple of lines that I don't own :)


	9. telepathy

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Okay geniuses," Booth said to Hodgins, Zack, and Sweets. "Does anyone have a theory on how an amputee's fingerprints appeared on the weapon?"

"You're sure the suspect doesn't have a record?" Hodgins asked. "Because if he did, then someone could've used prints on file to frame your suspect."

"No record, anything else?"

"What if he used mental telepathy and his psychic presence left tangible fingerprints sort of like muscle memory," Sweets said.

"Ummmm, what?" Booth asked.

"Muscle memory is the process of the neuromuscular system memorizing motor skills," Zack added.

"I'm simply hypothesizing how a man with two arms amputated at the elbow," Sweets said, "who is the only person who could've committed the crime could've left his own fingerprints."

"So how do we test this theory of yours?" Hodgins asked. "I'd love to prove telepathic ability."

"Well whatever it is, you better do it fast," Booth said. "I can only hold this guy for eight more hours and I'm not going to get an extension unless I have conclusive evidence."

"We'll notify you if we discover anything," Zack said. "I've always been fascinated by disproving supernatural phenomena."

"Sometimes," Sweets said, "automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi."

"Hey Booth," Hodgins said as he looked Sweets up and down. "We're going to need a new theory."


	10. easy

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"I'm flummoxed," Booth said.

"About what?" Brennan asked.

"Well, over the past few months, we've had a woman who was hit in the head by a stapler, a man who got stabbed in the neck with scissors, an elderly couple hacked up with the blade of one of those paper cutters, a woman who was strangled with a phone cord, and the guy who we found at the bottom of the vat in the White-Out factory where he worked."

"So you're flummoxed because all of those cases involved office supplies?" she asked. "In most passion crimes, the killer uses whatever weapons are available and we've had a string of office related murders."

"I've got a theory," Hodgins said as Booth rolled his eyes. "Staples and Office Max are secretly in cahoots developing James Bond style weapons made out of office equipment that they'll sell to despots in third world countries."

"That is completely unfounded," Brennan said.

"Oh yeah," Hodgins said. "How about that Easy Button, huh? We see the commercials where someone pushes it and then office supplies rain from the sky. I'm telling you, they've developed worm hole technologies and they're not afraid to use them."

"How much coffee have you had?" Booth asked.

"Enough," Hodgins said. "And don't even get me started on the evil that is Starbucks."


	11. pictionary

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Hydrazoic acid," Brennan shouted.

"Dimethylformamide," Hodgins shouted.

"Dimethylformamide it is," Angela said excitedly. "Good job. Okay who's next?"

"I believe it's my turn," Cam said as she walked up to the easel and started drawing.

"Meningovascular Neurosyphilis," Brennan shouted.

"That's incredible," Cam said. "I can't believe you figured that out after I drew barely anything."

"Okay," Booth interjected. "I'm calling shenanigans. There is no way, beyond pure lucky guessing, that any of you could have come up with these answers."

"Shenanigans?" Brennan asked.

"It means he's pulled a Hodgins and gone conspiratorial on us," Angela said.

"But you're inherently wrong, man," Hodgins said. "The whole point about conspiracies is to figure out what the outcome will be based on the master plot. What could be gained by us cheating at Pictionary?"

"I don't know," Booth said as he sat back down. "I knew I should have picked Trivial Pursuit."

"We'll play that next week, okay Seeley?" Cam said in a childlike manner. "Don't worry, the next one will be easy."

As Hodgins got up to start drawing on the easel Brennan turned her head and leaned close to Booth's ear and whispered to him that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

"Jesus Christ!" he muttered in amazement.

"Hey he got one right," Hodgins said as he put down the marker.


	12. latex

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Booth," Brennan said, "This is a crime scene. If you're going to touch anything you need to wear gloves."

"I know that," he said sheepishly. "I just don't like the feel of latex. It's very constricting."

"There are other forms of personal protective equipment," she said. "Maybe you should try Nitrile?"

"I'm just not a big fan of anything that's constrictive, and as far as personal protection," he said pointing at his gun, "this has always served me well."

"I find your behaviors confusing," she said. "You're incessantly badgering me to be careful when I can protect myself. However, you seem to be lax on your own protection. Who knows what infection or virus you might contract?"

"I'm plenty careful, alright," he said.

"I can only imagine how you're like in bed."

"Did you just say what I think you said," he asked.

"I only meant that your lackadaisical attitude towards protection must clearly parallel your bedroom behavior," she said.

"Hey," he shouted, "I'm always careful."

"You had Parker out of wedlock."

"It was only out of wedlock because Rebecca refused to marry me," he said pleading his case.

"Which happened after you impregnated her," she said as he stood with his mouth open shaking his head in shocked disbelief.

"She told me she was on the pill."

"I could tell you that there are no viruses in this pool of blood but you wouldn't place your hands in it without protection anyway," she said. "Right?"

He shook his head.

"Then maybe you should always take matters of protection in your own hands from here on forward and put the gloves on."


	13. three little words

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

Three little words. The words themselves hold little meaning but what they represent is gigantic.

I never thought that these were the words that would come out of my mouth but I wanted her to understand. I trust her with my life but I've reticent to truly trust her with my past.

Sure she knows some of it and she seems to take things at face value. I'm a recovering gambler. I'm a recovering killer, though I lapse every so often. Usually for good reason despite my hatred for doing so.

Maybe it's not that I haven't trusted her with my past. Maybe it's that I haven't really stepped back enough to trust myself.

Even though I think of myself as a tough guy, a protector, a father, a friend, I'm still scared. I've faced death numerous times. I've been captured and beaten numerous times. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid that I'll fail. That I won't be there to protect my loved ones. That I'll end up alone in this world with no one to turn to and no shoulder to cry on.

I always tell her that she's built up so many walls to keep herself guarded and protected. I've told her that she needs to let some of those walls down so she can truly live. It's time I heeded my own advice.

This guarded private man opened up a little bit tonight. _My Dad drank_.


	14. eyes

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"I don't understand this song," Brennan said. "It's impossible to have hungry eyes."

"Ignore the fact that the eyes aren't part of the digestive tract," Angela said with a roll of her eyes. "Try to think of eyes full of passion and lustful hunger."

"I've seen eyes full of lust before but never hunger," Brennan said. "Well there was that one time that Booth was staring at a pie when we were in the diner. That could've been hunger."

"Sweetie, let me try and explain it a different way," Angela said. "Imagine Booth is standing in front of you and he see's you're holding his favorite kind of pie."

"Okay."

"Now look at his eyes as you show him that same pie," Angela said. "Do you see the look of sheer nirvana?"

"Yes."

"Okay, now imagine you're completely naked and have that same pie smeared all over you as you invite him over to eat it off," Angela said with a megawatt smile. "Do you see the difference in his eyes? The complete reckless abandon as his two favorite things are coupled together for him and him alone to enjoy?"

"No because I can't imagine that scenario since I don't like my fruit cooked," Brennan said, "even if it is as a sexual aid."


	15. actions

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

He told me his dad drank. This is one of the first times he's openly revealed something about himself without being goaded into.

Of course I already knew it because of the "intervention" from Sweets and Cam. And just like Hodgins told me about Parker before Booth ever did. But I guess that's not the point. The point is, is that he trusts me enough to finally open up.

They say a man's actions speak louder than words. I've spent so much time listening to the dead - fighting to give them a name and face - that I forgot how to listen to the living. I temporarily forgot who he was. I guess because I didn't know why he was. Why he does what he does.

I should've stood up for him. I never should've believed what Jared said. I know that now. Just like I now know that Jared _is_ Booth-lite.

Booth's always trying to right the wrong, protect the innocent even though his father was an abusive alcoholic. Not that that's an excuse, but it's a reason.

Roger Dillon stood up to his abusive father. He tried to do what he thought was right when Janelle became pregnant with his son. He was accidentally murdered despite his good intentions.

I won't let that happen to Booth. He's come too far from his past and he has too much left to do. I will be his backup. I will be aware of the surroundings.

I trust him and he trusts me. I know this for a fact and I won't doubt him again. He's my partner and I trust him with my life.


	16. harrymetsally

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"I don't understand why it wouldn't work," Brennan said with her arms crossed across her chest.

"Trust me Sweetie," Angela said, "It wouldn't work."

"Why not? We're both single and going on a double date might be an intriguing method to study social situations," Brennan said.

"Going on a double date with Booth and not as his date might actually kill him," Angela said.

"How could a date kill someone?"

"Because, when you go out with a guy," Angela said, "Booth does all he can to keep it together."

"What are you talking about?"

"He's attracted to you and seeing firsthand, you being with another guy is cruel and unusual punishment," Angela replied.

"But Booth isn't attracted to me," Brennan said. "If he was he would've made a move on me already."

"Trust me, it'll be like _When Harry Met Sally_," Angela said while quietly thinking that in the movie they ended up together. "Actually I have an experiment I want you to try."

"What's that?"

"The next time you and FBI candy are at the diner," Angela said with a coy smile, "I want you to fake an orgasm but don't be subtle. I want it to be loud and raucous."

"And what will that prove?"

"If Booth gets uncomfortable, then it proves he has feelings for you."

"Or," Brennan said, "it's because he's a private person and wouldn't approve of sharing such an intimate moment."

"To may toe, to mah toe."


	17. bricks

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Dr. Brennan," Cam said, "Not all expressions are meant to be taken literally."

"Well that's good because defecating cinder blocks is physically impossible," she said.

"And that's why it's not meant to be taken literally," Cam replied. "And it's not cinder blocks but bricks."

"And it doesn't make sense anyway," Brennan said, "because the bricks would be partially digested."

"See Bones," Booth said sarcastically, "You haven't taken into account how one would go about ingesting the bricks in the first place."

"They'd have to be able to distend their jaws like a snake," Hodgins said with a chuckle, "And their throats would need to be extremely pliable."

"Perhaps a sword swallower," Booth said with a raised eyebrow.

"See," Brennan said while folding her arms defensively across her chest, "this is my point. It's physically impossible to defecate a brick or cinder block whether it's singular or plural which renders the expression completely useless."

"Just because something is impossible doesn't mean it's useless," Booth said.

"Exactly," Hodgins chimed in. "And human flight is impossible but that doesn't make Superman useless."

"Superman is definitely not useless," Booth added.

"Superman is fictional and fictional characters can do all sorts of things," Brennan stated.

"Superman is fictional?" Booth asked. "Aww geez Bones, next you'll tell me that Alf was a puppet."

"Who?" Brennan asked.


	18. examination

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"All I'm saying is that once men reach a certain age," Brennan said, "they should get their prostate checked."

"Are you calling me old?" Booth said defiantly. "Because I'm not old enough to merit that exam."

"Statistics have shown that men should start getting checked as early as 35," Brennan countered.

"I'm just not comfortable with the idea of someone sticking their hands in my business," Booth said sheepishly.

"Women have routine internal exams substantially more often than men get rectal exams," Brennan said.

"What's the matter Booth," Angela said. "Surely you're secure enough to get checked out."

"I'm secure enough, okay," he said. "It's just that I always connote that exam to being old and I'm not ready to think of myself as old yet."

"You need to get checked out," Brennan said. "You want to ensure the highest probability that you'll see Parker grow up with a father, right?"

"Of course I do. What kind of question is that?" he asked.

"Then get yourself checked out," Angela said.

"Who's checking out Booth?" Hodgins asked.

"Booth's going for a prostate exam," Brennan said.

"Make sure you study," Hodgins said with a twinkle in his eye. "You don't want to be a dumb ass."

"Real funny," Booth said. "Keep yukking it up because you're next, smart ass."

"I always wanted to be a wise ass," Hodgins said.

"I will shoot you," Booth said. "Just so you know."

"Settle down you two," Cam said as Hodgins started walking away.

"Rectum," Angela said with a wry smile.

"Damn near killed him," Cam said with a wink and a smile.


	19. nerves

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"What's wrong Booth?" she asked. "You look like you're in pain."

"Well we've been driving for a few hours and my leg is starting feel numb," he replied as he winced while continuing to drive.

"Perhaps the prolonged orientation of your leg has started to pinch your sciatic nerve," she said. "It's very common."

"So what's the usual treatment?" he asked.

She turned slightly and squeezed her left hand between his leg and his seat and pressed up with her fingers.

"Whoa Bones," he shouted. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I was simply applying pressure to the area where the most obvious source of pain would be in order to shift the nerve slightly to allow your leg to relax and regain feeling," she said. "I'm an expert at kinesiology and quite adept…"

"I know that Bones," he said with a smile, "but nothing about you copping a feel of my butt is relaxing, okay?"

"I was not touching your butt," she said. "I was simply near your upper hamstring."

"Yeah, right where my leg turns into my butt," he chuckled.

"Well does your leg feel better?" she asked.

"No, because it's my other leg that is feeling numb," he said.

"Oh, well I can fix that one too," she said as she started to reach over before he caught her hand before it was even halfway to his side of the SUV.

"Bones, what do you think you're doing?" he asked. "You can't just shove a hand in somebody's crotch without asking permission first. Especially while that someone driving."


	20. lightbulb

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Okay Bones," Booth said. "I've got one for you."

"One of what?" she asked.

"A joke," he replied. "I've got a joke for you."

"Okay, I'm listening," she said as she turned to face him.

"Okay," he said, "how many forensic anthropologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

"That question is illogical as it would only take one," she said. "Although, I would probably replace the bulb with a halogen one due to its prolonged life span and eco-friendly properties. I'm making the assumption that this forensic anthropologist is near electricity because of the necessity to use a light bulb in the first place even though, in my own personal history I've been in numerous places where there electricity didn't exist so we used torches."

"Well that's exactly the answer I expected," he said with a smile.

"Wait Booth," she said excitedly. "I've got one for you too. How many FBI agents does it take to change a light bulb?"

"I'm going to say one," he replied, "because I'm fully capable of changing a light bulb."

"Wrong answer," she said while making a buzzer sound. "The correct answer would be zero because it wouldn't need to be replaced if the agent didn't shoot it first."

"Very funny," he said with a monotone voice.

"Actually I take it back," she said. "Upon further thought, there would probably be many agents involved because of the volume of paperwork that would need to be filled out every step of the way. From the procurement of the bulb itself, to the ladder acquisition, verifications on the work order..."

"I get it," he said cutting her off with a smile plastered across his face.


	21. Parker's xmas wish

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Hi Parker," Brennan said Parker and his dad walked into her office. "Are you getting excited to see if Santa brings you presents?"

"I sure am," the little boy said enthusiastically. "And I've been a really good boy this year too. Right Dad?"

"You sure have been buddy," he said as he winked to his partner while mouthing "thank you" for playing along with the Christmas myth.

"So what did you ask Santa for Christmas?" Brennan asked.

"I asked for a remote controlled car, some super hero toys, and something else that's a secret," the little boy replied.

"What secret?" Booth asked.

"Well if he told you then it wouldn't be a secret anymore," Brennan stated matter of factly.

"Thanks Bones," Booth replied sarcastically.

"Well I might be able to tell you guys," Parker said reluctantly. "But you have to pinkie swear not to tell anyone."

The partners looked at each other and both nodded their heads in agreement.

"Okay, I asked Santa to help you two catch up to your own realities and finally realize what everyone else can clearly see; that you're meant for each other," he said as he quickly ran off towards the platform leaving the partners staring at each other.

Parker quickly ran over to where Angela was working. "Hey aunty Ang," he said with a mini charm smile. "I did it just like you said to."

"Where are they now?"

"Back in Bones' office."

Angela quickly passed a five dollar bill to the boy hoping no one else saw the transaction. "That ought to get them together by Valentine's Day."

"No way," the little boy said. "They're going to be sharing cooties by New Years."


	22. mistletoe

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

_**This may be OOC but I don't care because it's Christmas and so help me the world needs more fluff.**_

"Merry Christmas," Booth said politely to the car that cut him off.

"That's the seventh time you've said that when someone cut you off," Brennan said. "I'm very impressed with your restraint."

"Well it's Christmas Eve Bones," he said with a grin thinking that the longer the trip takes, the more time he gets her to himself. "I'm sure those people are just trying to get in some last minute shopping."

"Why would people wait until the last minute?" she asked. "Surely the stores close early tonight making it more difficult to get presents."

"Not every present can be bought," he said with a smile. "Sometimes they just happen."

"How can a present just happen?" she asked. "Matter just doesn't spontaneously appear."

"Think metaphorically. What about last year when you got to spend Christmas with your dad and Russ and Amy and the girls? That present sort of happened."

"Well there were extenuating circumstances creating that scenario, namely a puckish prosecutor."

"I know," he said as he thought back to the kiss that maintained residence in his dreams ever since. "But that doesn't mean that your present didn't just happen."

"I want to thank you again for my tree Booth," she said with a coy smile. "That was the first Christmas in a long time that I felt loved, surrounded by family."

"Aw Bones," he said with a sheepish grin, "Lots of people love you and you have a close knit group of friends that are like a surrogate family that you work with every day. More than one kind of family, remember?"

"I do remember," she said as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment from his kind words. "Do you really think they love me?"

"Of course they do," he said, "but not like I do."

"What are you saying?" she asked with eyes wide with nervous anticipation.

"I'm just saying," he said as his throat went dry, "that they love you like a friend but I love you like a partner."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means that I will quietly love you from afar rather than risk losing your friendship if you didn't feel the same," he said as his eyes locked with hers.

"So you love me so much, you'd torture yourself?"

"I've survived torture before," he said solemnly. "You've seen my x-rays."

"I have and I don't understand why you haven't acted on these feelings before," she said as she placed her hand on his forearm. "Do you really think I'd end our friendship if you told me you loved me? I forgave you for not telling me for two whole weeks that you weren't dead."

"So you're saying you'd _**forgive**_ me if I loved you," he asked cautiously.

"I'm saying I'd forgive you for not even giving me the chance to either deny or accept your affections," she said with a flutter in her stomach. "To be honest, I've been torturing myself too."

"You never said anything leading me to think that's how you felt."

"It was your line," she explained. "That means that you have to cross it first."

"I think that line was crossed a long time ago," he said with his charm smile plastered on his face.

"So tell me Mister Special Agent," she said with a singsong voice. "Have you never realized that the only person I let into my personal space without invitation is you? That you're the only person I let touch me without invitation? That you're the only person who I let into my house no matter what time of day or night it is?"

"Well now that you mention it…"

"And why do you think that is?" she asked while batting her eye lashes at him.

"Are you flirting with me?" he asked with a chuckle as he parked in front of her building.

"Yes," she said opting for the direct approach.

"Hey, it's Christmas Eve and I want to give you a little present," he said as he opened up the sunglasses holder on the ceiling of the SUV and a sprig of mistletoe fell out, dangling between them.

"Merry Christmas Bones."

"Merry Christmas Booth."


	23. salad

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Booth," she said, "a well balanced diet is necessary for a long and healthy life."

"I eat healthy Bones," he said.

"Ketchup on your fries does not constitute a vegetable," she said, "nor does an apple pie constitute as meeting your fruit requirements."

"I'm a fine tuned machine," he said with a grin, "and it takes a lot of fuel to maintain peak performance."

"That explains why you're always hungry," she said as she rolled her eyes. "I just think a more balanced diet would yield better results."

"Okay fine, I'll order a salad" he said as he looked over the pizza place's menu. "For a pizza place, the menu looks pretty swanky."

"We'll we're in a trendy part of town," she said as she looked up from her menu, "so the menu displays an accurate assortment of food that caters to the customers they're pandering to."

"So," he said with a scrunched up face, "does dressed baby arugula mean that the arugula's wearing dresses? And why are they serving baby arugula? Certainly there's enough adult arugula to go around."

Brennan glared at him as the waitress came over to take their orders. Brennan ordered a sesame citrus salad with dressing on the side.

"I'll have the antipasto salad with the dressed baby arugula," he said with a smile as Brennan rolled her eyes, "only can they be wearing pants instead of dresses? And can I have an extra side or ranch dressing and some bacon bits? And I'll also have an order of mozzarella sticks and two orders of garlic bread please."

"You're incorrigible," she said.

"Why?" he said with his charm smile. "All I did was order a salad."


	24. sugar

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

**_I originally wrote this back in October but held off until I modified it to conform to canon_****_._**

**_This one hopefully contains spoilers and will set things back to the way they should be._**

Dr. Hodgins was standing in the kitchen area of the Medico-Legal lab preparing himself a cup of coffee when Angela walked in.

"Coffee break?" she asked.

"Yeah," Hodgins said noticing the awkward tension that could be cut with a coffee stirrer.

"Look, I'm sorry you broke up with Roxie and I know we said we didn't want it to be awkward," Hodgins said, "I just want to give you a hug to make you feel better but it's still so awkward."

Angela grabbed the sugar canister and started pouring sugar into her Matisse mug while looking at Hodgins contemplatively.

"Hey can you throw some in mine too?" Hodgins asked as he tried to lighten the heavy mood.

She reached over and started pouring sugar into the entomologist's mug.

"Ok that's enough," he said as he pulled his cup away. Angela didn't stop pouring in time and some of the sugar crystals fell on his fingers.

"Sorry," she said. "I got lost in thought."

"Did you just pour some sugar on me?" Hodgins said with a puckish smile.

"I said sorry," Angela said before she realized what he meant.

"Do you remember how much fun we used to have?" he asked.

"I do and quite frankly I've missed it something fierce," she replied with sad eyes.

He pulled her into a hug, "Do you want to go christen the Egyptian exhibit again?"

"I'd like to," she replied with a flirty smile. "Don't forget to bring the sugar."

"If I recall," he said while wiggling his eyebrows, "we found that sugar was too coarse which is why we switched to chocolate syrup."


	25. remote

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Any word on our vic yet?" Booth asked.

"Deceased comes to mind," Cam said.

"Very funny," Booth replied. "Anything else?"

"Well there's something wedged in the large intestine but I can't make out what it is," Cam said as she made an incision into the intestine pulling out the offending item.

"I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to be there," Angela said.

"Whatever it is, it's pretty badly deteriorated," Cam said. "Although it looks like some kind of plastic."

"Hodgins, any chance you can identify that?" Booth asked.

Hodgins looked at it a moment. "It's a remote control," he said as he handed it back to Cam.

"Any idea how it got there?" Booth asked. "I mean there are only two options, right? Either came down or went up, right?"

"Those are the usual two," Cam said.

"Based on corrosion," Hodgins said with his nose scrunched up, "I'd say it went up because it would look substantially worse if it got hit with the gastric juices of the stomach."

"Do you think it was accidental or intentional?" Booth asked. "I hope it's accidental."

"I've performed thousands of autopsies," Cam said. "You'd be amazed what I've pulled out of a sphincter, although this is my first remote control."

"I wonder how he changed the channels," Hodgins asked.

"He had a remote stuffed up his ass and you're wondering how he changed the channels?" Booth asked clearly aggravated. "Of all the questions in all the world, that's the question that's burning a hole in your head?"

"My guess is flatulence," Hodgins deadpanned. "Probably a good cheek flapper ought to do it."


	26. duck

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"You ducked your head," Brennan said with a crooked smile. "Why would you duck?"

"I didn't duck," Booth said sheepishly. "Did I?"

"You most certainly did," she said. "Do you not have faith in the structural integrity of this vehicle?"

"Well I don't know, it must've been an involuntary reaction," he said. "I saw that giant chunk of ice fly off the roof of that truck and I thought it might hit us."

"And that's a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why you swerved," she said. "But why did you duck your head?"

"Like I said on the plane to China, part of my duty is to protect America's intellectual property," he said with a smirk. "That means you."

"But that was accomplished by you swerving and not by you ducking your head."

"I don't know Bones," he said while raising his voice in frustration. "It helps, ok? I don't know how it does or why it does. I can't explain the physics behind it. All I know is that it helps. Are we clear on that?"

"Is this like that time in Gormogon's vault when you thought we were going to get blown up and you jumped on top of me while you had your eyes closed?"


	27. lavatory

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Hey Booth," Agent Smithers called out from the door of Booth's office. "Man, you have got to get your woman under control."

"My woman?" Booth asked sarcastically. "If you're referring to my partner, Dr. Brennan, you should know she isn't my woman."

"Whatever," Smithers said. "Anyway, did you hear what she just did? Man, she just walked into the Men's bathroom and walked into a stall like she was going to use it."

"Smithers," Booth said slowly. "Dr. Brennan probably read the out of order sign on the women's room and decided the men's room was more efficient than using one on another floor."

"Yeah, that's what she said to me when I asked what she thought she was doing," Smithers said. "I told her she's got a lot of balls walking in there like that and she just smiled and asked if I was jealous."

"Were you?" Booth chuckled.

"Well I ain't ever seen a man that pretty before so I thought she was joking around," Smithers said. "But that's not the best part. Right before she flushes, she stands up and I hear a couple banging noises, like something's hitting the walls of the stall, right? So I asked her what that noise was and she turns to me and says, I swear to god she says 'Well you gotta shake it off before putting it away, or is it so small that you don't even bother?' I mean who says something like that?"

Booth fought to maintain his composure but finally couldn't stop from laughing.

"Like I said, you gotta get her under control or something bad might happen to her," Smithers said. "After all, not everyone in this world is a gentleman like me."

"I certainly hope not," Brennan said as she walked past Smithers to enter Booth's office. "A real gentleman wouldn't tell a woman she's got a lot of balls."

Smithers' face turned a deep crimson as he turned and walked away while Booth laughed at him.

"Bones," he said as his laughter subsided. "So banging the stall walls mimicking the shake?"

"Well, when in Rome right?" she said with a huge smile on her face. "Or more specifically a men's room filled with agents overcompensating for their shortcomings."


	28. size

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Oh," she said.

"Oh?" he asked. "That's all you have to say about it?"

"Well Booth," she said with a confused look on her face. "When you told me you had something to show me, I wasn't expecting this."

"I know," he said with a charm smile. "Isn't it great? It's just the right size too."

"I don't know about that."

"What do you mean?" he asked nervously. "Do you think it's too small? Or maybe too big?"

"I'm debating," she said as she mentally calculated dimensions. "Does it work?"

"Do you think I seriously would show it to you if it didn't?"

"It's much smaller than I expected."

"Well it serves its purpose Bones," he said. "And that's what's important. I figured you'd appreciate the efficiency."

"Well it's certainly much smaller than Sully's," she said as she crossed her arms across her chest. "Do you seriously expect me to get on that?"

"Well I kind of hoped you would," he said as he flashed his puppy dog eyes at her combined with a small pout. "And I don't appreciate being compared to Sully."

"I was under the impression that men compared everything," she said with a confused look on her face.

"Men don't do that if they don't have self esteem issues," he said. "I'm completely comfortable knowing what my limitations are, the few that exist anyway."

"So you're saying that you're content with your status in the male population?"

"Yes," he replied. "And anyways, it's irrelevant since his was built for going to the Bahamas and mine is just big enough to take Parker out fishing," he replied. "And of course, you have a standing invite to come as well."


	29. groupie

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"So what's this I hear about Booth having a groupie?" Angela asked.

"I don't know if 'groupie' is the correct term," Brennan replied. "She reminds me of my obsessed fan, Oliver Laurier, because she keeps calling Booth on a daily basis asking him for a date."

"You know who my father is and what he does," Angela said with a wry smile. "This certainly sounds like a groupie to me. Does Booth not remember Pam Nunan?"

"He's told her numerous times to stop calling but she doesn't seem to comprehend the meaning of the word no."

"So how did they meet?"

"She was a hostage that we rescued a couple weeks ago," Brennan said nonchalantly. "Booth shot her captor and she was extremely grateful of course. But I guess she has some bizarre gun fetish and when she found out that he is a former sniper, that's when she began stalking him."

"A gun fetish?" Angela asked. "I suppose it's not the most bizarre fetish I've heard of."

"She's been asking him all sorts of questions regarding guns that are conceivably thinly veiled attempts at sexual innuendo," Brennan said.

"I'm apparently not up on the latest gun lingo," Angela said. "I need an example just so I can fully appreciate the innuendo."

"Well she asked him if he used a 9mm or a .38 which clearly connote penis size," Brennan said. "There was also some mention of a magnum, friendly fire, and whether he used a silencer or whether he liked the bang to be loud."

"I even heard that she asked him if she could help him clean his weapon," Cam said as she walked over.

"And that's precisely when I knocked her out," Brennan said.

"And that's why she took out a restraining order against you," Cam said with a smile.

"And since you spend so much time with Booth," Angela said with a joyous smile on her face, "that means she can't come within a 250 yards of him either."

"Well it was the only logical course of action thereby eliminating the Pam Nunan type threat," Cam said with an approving smile.

"Of course that's the only reason why you did it Sweetie," Angela.

"Exactly," Brennan said as she turned back to the remains she had been examining while Cam and Angela smiled and nodded to each other.


	30. knife skills

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

_Miniscule spoilers for Double Trouble in the Panhandle_

My eyes follow her legs so sensually wrapped in those fishnet stockings as she walks back to our trailer. I quicken my pace so I can enter the trailer too as she holds the door open for me inviting me in. Sure it's our trailer but with that look in her eye and that inviting crooked smile, it makes me feel like it will be "our" trailer.

There's not much room inside but we minimize how much space we take up as she pulls close to me and our lips crash together. Arms and legs tangle in a passionate fury. She rips off my shirt and I try and find the zipper to her costume.

"Where's the zipper Bones?" I ask in my husky bedroom voice.

"There isn't one," she replies as she sucks on my ear lobe.

"How'd you even get this thing on?"

"A woman never gives away her secrets," she says as she scratches my chest with her nails.

I start pulling and tugging at her costume trying to find the opening I need to feel her skin against mine. I push her against the bed as she falls back I grab one of my knives and I hover over her.

"I trust your knife skills Booth," she says as I place the tip of the knife just under the edge of her costume in the opening of her cleavage so as to not harm her in any way.

I slowly cut the fabric away as she breathlessly tells me my knife skills are like that of a surgeon. Once her costume has been dissected I slowly open up the bisected flaps and lunge in face first to start lathing her body from top to bottom.

I get this foul taste in my mouth and start spitting the putrid substance out of my mouth. I glance around and realize Bones is gone. I'm back at my own place in my own bed.

I flick on the light and notice I've ripped my pillow open and the stuffing is hanging out like a disemboweled marshmallow.

"Damn," I say to myself. "That's the fifth pillow this month."


	31. slap

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Listen Bones," he pleaded. "I said I was sorry. What more do you want from me?"

"I do not enjoy feeling objectified," she seethed. "You're lucky I didn't knock you into next week."

"I know," he said with puppy dog eyes. "But I was in character and what matters most is that we caught the killer."

"Yes, you caught the killer, you're the hero," she said sarcastically. "And you're also the biggest pig I know."

"I said I was sorry," he said with more frustration in his voice. "I needed him to make a move so I made him feel more at ease."

"Is that what you're calling it these days?" she asked with flames shooting out of her eyes. "Because the next time you slap my ass without permission and call me Sweet-cheeks I will make sure you are forced to urinate sitting down for the rest of your life."

"So then you're okay with it if I ask permission first?"

She responded with the evilest death glare she could muster, complete with nostrils flaring and veins pulsating on her forehead.

"I'm just making sure I understand the rules," he said with a sly grin. "Because if it's the Sweet-cheeks part, I can call you Sugar-tush if you prefer."

"You have to the count of three to vacate my office before I hit you with a large heavy object," she said as she slowly walked towards him. "One."

"What about Honey-britches?" he asked as he slowly back peddled towards her door.

"Two," she said as she picked up a carved stone paper weight.

"Pumpkin? Sweetie-pie? Toots?" he asked with a grin on his face as he crossed the threshold of her office.

"You just made it," she said as she shut and locked the door and then closed the blinds on her windows so he couldn't see the grin blossoming on her face.

Her phone rang and she noticed the caller ID said it was an internal call so she picked it up, "Brennan."

"I know you're smiling in there Doll-face," he said as she slammed the phone down in mock annoyance.

She heard a knock on her door and she yelled, "Go away Booth!"

"You can't stay mad at me forever, Baby," he said shouted through his charm smile. "You'll have to come out eventually."


	32. carnage

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"I don't know if it was the most vicious thing I've ever seen," Hodgins said. "But it was pretty damn close."

"What are you talking about," Angela asked. "Did you witness a crime?"

"It was a worse than a crime," Hodgins said with a sigh. "I'd never seen anything so savage before."

"Did you file a report," Brennan asked. "I mean we need to get down there and retrieve the evidence before the scene gets compromised."

"There's no use," Hodgins said with despair. "Everything's gone. It's all gone."

"What do you mean?" Angela asked.

"Gone how?" Brennan asked. "Was there a fire or flood? How could it be gone?"

"It was eaten," Hodgins said. "Everything was ripped apart. I've never seen such devastation."

"Where were you?" Angela asked impatiently.

"I was…" Hodgins said with a sigh. "I was…"

"He was at the diner," Cam said.

"Oh no, what happened?" Brennan asked. "Does Booth know about it?"

"Yeah he knows," Hodgins said.

"I know what?" Booth asked as he and Jared walked towards the platform.

"Hodgins saw some apocalyptic event down at the diner," Angela said.

"Do you know what he's talking about Booth?" Brennan asked.

"I think she's asking about lunch, Seel," Jared said with a grin.

"Oh," Booth said with a grin. "I should have told you about the buffet, Bones."

"Buffet?" Angela asked.

"Yeah we must've plowed through five lasagna pans worth of mac and cheese," Jared said with a chuckle.

"I told you there was carnage," Hodgins said.


	33. dogs

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"God, men are such pigs," Angela said. "Well not all of them but most are definitely pigs."

"I completely concur, Ms. Montenegro," Cam said with disgust.

"I mean, sometimes it's flattering when a guy ogles you," Angela continued, "but other times it's just creepy."

"Why do you associate men with pigs?" Brennan asked. "Isn't there some other animal that comes to mind when thinking of men?"

"Well most men's apartments that I've seen," Cam said, "are so messy that it looks like they live in a pig sty."

"And they're always farting and burping and have terrible table manners," Angela added. "Not to mention some interestingly bizarre grooming habits."

"Oh," Brennan said nonchalantly.

"If you think our choice of animal is incorrect," Cam said with a grin, "then please enlighten us to what animal we should use as a reference."

"Some sort of domesticated canine would be a better fit," Brennan said.

"So you're saying men are like dogs?" Angela asked.

"Yes," Brennan said with a wry smile. "For instance, they follow you around no matter where you go. They'll eat pretty much anything if it's got gravy on it. They constantly try and nuzzle into your crotch."

"That's so true," Angela said.

"And they're territorial," Cam said while flashing her teeth. "They're always ready to pounce at the first sign of danger."

"And not to mention that when you scratch their bellies," Brennan said, "they instinctively arch their backs so gravity would pull your hand a few inches downward."


	34. races

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"I don't understand something," she said as she gazed out the window of the SUV.

"What don't you understand?"

"The Chesapeake Bay is hardly big enough to conduct these submarine races that he was talking about," she said. "Plus if they're submerged, how can anyone watch them race? I think he was lying to us."

"He wasn't lying to us, Bones," he said with a grin. "He's a 75 year old man. What could he possibly hope to gain from lying?"

"I don't know," she said while deep in thought. "Maybe he's covering up for somebody else, a grandchild perhaps?"

He let out a quiet chuckle and stole a sideways glance at his partner.

"What's so funny Booth?" she asked. "Is that not a reasonable question?"

"Of course it's a reasonable question," he said. "It's just that's not what he was talking about."

"Now I'm really confused."

"Ok, let me see if I can explain it better," he said. "He said he saw a struggle down by where they used to hold the submarine races."

"Yes," she nodded. "That's exactly what he said."

"Which means that's where we need to go to search for clues since it's probably the initial crime scene and not where we found the body."

"But how do you know where the races were held?" she asked.

"There were no races, Bones," he chuckled. "He was referring to an old teenage make out spot that over looked the bay."

"And how do you know that?" she asked.

"I'm a well of random knowledge," he said with a grin. "Well less random than your boy Nigel Murray."

"So the potential crime scene is at an old make out spot for teenagers back in the 60s?"

"Now you've got it," he said with a smile.

"So what does racing submarines have to do with making out?"

"There were no submarines," he said with an evil grin. "But there was plenty of semen."


	35. no way

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"No way," Booth said emphatically. "There is no way we are going to do it."

"Why not Booth?" Brennan asked. "We've gone undercover before."

"Yeah," Booth whispered through gritted teeth. "But this is completely different."

"I'll admit the scenery would be different," she said calmly, "but our interactions would be the same."

"How can you even say that? You don't know whether we'd be able to maintain our composures."

"I have no trouble compartmentalizing," she said. "Whatever issues you have about this operation are all yours to deal with."

"It's not just our interactions, Bones," he said. "It's going to be a logistical nightmare."

"How so?"

"What do you mean 'how so'?" he asked as he dragged his palm down his face. "We're going to be out there with no backup, no way to maintain our protection. For Christ's sake Bones, where am I going to hide my gun? I can't just leave my shoulder holster on."

"I'm advising against the holster," she said calmly. "I'm pretty sure that would blow our cover."

"It doesn't matter," Booth said. "We're going to have to find another way to solve the case."

"And here I thought you'd be fine with it," she said with a smile. "I have seen you naked and I thought you lacked Puritan modesty."

"I do lack Puritan modesty," Booth interjected, "but a nudist colony is where I draw the line."

"What's with you and drawing lines?"


	36. vitamins

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"We'll be back later Angela," Brennan said as she started walking off of the platform with Booth.

"Okay Sweetie," Angela replied. "And don't forget to take your vitamin today."

"You too Ang," Brennan said. "And make sure Cam doesn't forget either."

"Vitamin?" Booth asked while raising eyebrow.

"Yes Booth," Brennan said. "What's so unusual about women caring about each other and reminding one another to take their vitamins? Studies have shown that women over thirty years of age benefit from taking daily vitamins."

"So you're all taking vitamins?" Booth asked with increased curiosity. "Are you taking a multivitamin? What kind of vitamins are they?

"It's not really any of your business but since you're prying," Brennan said with a grin, "We've decided to take prenatal vitamins."

"You must be joking," he said in disbelief. "It is April Fool's after all."

"Why would I joke about something as important as a group of women who have finally decided to take matters into our own hands regarding our biological clocks," she said matter of factly.

"So you're all going to try and conceive together?" he asked incredulously. "So what? You all entered into a pregnancy pact or something?"

"Or something," Cam said as she walked over. "But we're trying to figure out who the father should be."

"But we have decided that he doesn't have to take part in anything but the donation if he wants," Angela said with a wink as she wrapped her hands around Booth's upper arm. "Unless he wants to hang around in sort of a Witches of Eastwick type of thing."

"I thought you didn't want kids," he said as Cam wrapped her arms around his other arm.

"She changed her mind and so did I," Brennan said as she linked her hands around the back of his neck and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. "So what do you say Booth?"

He paused for a minute before chuckling. "I'd say that this is the most elaborate prank I've ever been a part of."

"Damn," Angela and Cam said at the same time.

"I told you he wouldn't fall for it," Hodgins said with a grin.

As Brennan was releasing her hands from behind Booth's neck he grabbed them and pulled her into a passionate kiss. "How far would you have taken this prank, Bones? Would we have made it to your bedroom?"

"I guess I hadn't thought that far ahead," she sighed.

"Well in that case we never would've made it out of the SUV," he said with a chuckle while he put his hands on her ass and pulled her towards him crashing their hips together.

"Booth," she stammered. "What are you doing?"

"April Fool's Bones," he said as let her go and backed up quickly to stay out of her arms reach.

"You knew all along didn't you?" she asked a laughing Angela and Cam.

"Does that make me King of the Lab?" Booth asked aloud with a laugh.


	37. frankenbaby

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

_**Warning: May contain spoilers for remaining eps of Season 4.**_

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"So you're seriously considering having a baby?" Booth asked skeptically. "I mean I saw how great you were with Andy and how you are with Parker but I didn't think you'd ever change your mind."

"Just like you," Brennan said with a smile, "I'm constantly evolving. And while years ago I never would have considered this a viable option for me, I have ascertained that…yes I do want a child."

"What was it that changed your mind?" he asked.

"People have been chasing answers since their primitive brains first had a cognitive thought of 'why.' And scientists have spent millennia trying to understand how life starts," she said. "It's a question that I feel like I'm ready to tackle."

"So you're curious?" Booth asked. "You're planning on bringing a life into this world because you're curious? You do realize that this is a full time job, being a parent. You can't just put the kid back after you've settled your curiosity."

"Of course I know that Booth," she said as she furrowed her brow. "Realistically speaking the birth canal is a one-time journey and I could never physically put the baby back anyway. And it's not just scientists who have had this curiosity as thousands of volumes of literature have struggled to understand how life began. And since I'm a bestselling author and a scientist, I have twice the curiosity."

"Have you even picked out a father yet?"

"Yes," she said with a pleading look on her face, "if you'll say yes."

"You do realize that I could never just be a sperm donor. That I'd want to be with you and the baby as a family," he said. "I couldn't handle doing the parent from a distance thing again."

"I know," she said as she pulled him into an embrace. "I told you, I'm evolving. Though I will admit I'm rather eager to make a baby the old fashioned way."

"Well that's good to hear," he said. "But aside from artificial insemination, what other ways are there to create life?"

"Dr. Frankenstein created life using lightning to reanimate dead tissue," she said. "And even he had assistance in making life."

"Are you calling me Igor?" he asked with a grin.

"Maybe," she said with a chuckle. "But I don't think we'll need to harness any lightning."

"Well I'm sure there will be fireworks, though," he said with a grin as he scooped her up and held her in his arms.

"To the bedroom Igor," she commanded.

"Yes mistress," he said as he started walking while dragging one leg behind him.


	38. wolverine

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Hey Bones," Booth said with a chuckle as he held up the newspaper. "I didn't know you were a fan of the X-Men."

"X-Men?" she asked quizzically. "Who are they?"

"They're a bunch of super heroes," he said playfully. "Are you trying to tell me the newspaper got it wrong?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said.

"There's a headline 'Tempe goes Hollywood for Wolverine Premiere' so naturally I thought it must be about you," he said with a grin. "I did think it was weird that there were no quotes from you though."

"Booth," she said after she glanced at the newspaper, "This has nothing to do with me. This article is about Tempe, Arizona."

"Oh," he said with a chuckle. "Thanks for clearing that up."

"I will say that the actor's features are very symmetrical and he seems to be a quality physical specimen," she said as she studied the picture. "And if he plays a hero, then he must be the object of many fantasies."

"You see Bones," he said emphatically, "He's just an actor, though, playing a hero. I really am a hero."

"Of course you are Booth," she said as she squeezed his cheek like a grandmother would pinch a baby's cheek.

"Bones, knock it off," he said as he swatted her hand away.

"His arms look quite sculpted," she said as she studied the picture again. "I might even say he has guns of steel."

"Hey," he said loudly as he flexed his arm. "I've got guns of steel too, see?"

"Yes you do Booth," she said as she squeezed his cheek again and then put her hand on his gun in his shoulder holster. "Though I actually think this one has more titanium than steel."


	39. loose foot

**A/N:** I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.

"Bones," Booth said. "What's the verdict? Murder or natural causes?"

"I'll know more when I get the body back to the lab," Brennan said. "But the foot seems to be stuck in the grate on this culvert."

"What do you mean stuck?" Booth asked. "Shouldn't it be fragile enough to just break off?"

"And compromise the evidence?" she asked. "I'm not about to do that."

"Well what if I help you pull?" he asked as he squatted down to get a good grip.

"Booth you're pulling my leg," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"It _was_ meatier than I was expecting it to be," he said with a grin. "Okay ready….and pull."

"Nothing happened, Booth," she said.

"I'm aware of that," he said gruffly. "What if we just cut it off and catch it in a bag and just note that whatever damage it caused was because of us?"

"As much as I hate to," she said with a sigh. "I think it might be the only way we can adequately retrieve the body."

"You should probably do it though because you'll know the better place to cut," he said. "I'll hold the bag."

"Ok," she said. "I'm going to cut the foot loose."

"Kick off your Sunday shoes," he said with a smile.

"What?"

"It's a song Bones, about dancing" he said with a grin. "Please Louise; pull me off of my knees. Everybody cut, everybody cut, everybody cut foot loose."

"But I'm the only one cutting the foot loose," she said with a sigh.


End file.
